The Difference Between Knowing and Feeling
Mental Emotional Disconnect
There’s a huge difference between knowing and feeling, and I long struggled to overcome the disconnect.
For many years I struggled with my self-worth, the remnants of an abusive upbringing.
I didn’t think that I was good enough, worthy of love.
It’s a problem that plagued me, and how I showed up in the world, for as long as I can remember.
Knowing and Feeling
Once I realized that was the heart of my problem I went about trying to learn all the things to overcome this problem.
I went to workshops, conferences, therapists, listened to podcasts, and read about a billion books on the topic.
I found that I reached a point where intellectually I understood where self-worth came from, what it was, and that I was in fact truly worthy, exactly as I was in that moment…
But there was always a disconnect.
I learned the thing, understood it intellectually but never felt any more worthy, still struggled with thoughts of not being enough.
I was really confused…how could I KNOW that I was worthy but not FEEL worthy?
The problem was that I had learned all these concepts and ideas but not practiced them. I hadn’t implemented them into my life. I hadn’t created new habits of thinking or habits of behavior.
Overcoming the Disconnect Between Knowing and Feeling
Practice, my friends, is the secret sauce.
You can’t just learn the thing, you have to do the work.
There’s no short cut.
There’s no learning it enough times everything magically changes.
Practice Makes Progress
To feel worthy, I had to think worthy thoughts.
I had to uncover all the shame based thoughts that were subconscious.
I had to heal my relationship with my past.
I changed my story of the past and chose a more empowering meaning to give it.
I had to sit with and honor the pain to truly let it be free.
Simple Not Easy
But here is the good news.
Often the story we tell in our minds about how hard healing will be, how much it will hurt, how we aren’t ready to confront our pasts are all a bunch of lies.
Most of my clients are surprised and relieved that this is far more simple than they originally believed.
You just have to make the decision: that the pain you experience avoiding the past, from not doing the work, from feeling crappy and not getting the results you want in your life is WORSE than moving toward and through the pain of change.
Are there things in your life that you KNOW but don’t FEEL or experience as truth? How could this shift in perspective help with that? Comment, I want to know!